I feel like a walking time bomb…any minute now I might just explode. I’m anxious, I’m stressed, I’m tired, I’m scared. Usually in bed by 10pm I am now not getting to sleep till around 1am. It’s not good but I can’t settle, thoughts whizzing around my head.

The reason? Our ongoing problem of moving into an area where there’s no reception school place for Rosie. I have written about it twice before. First when neither girls had places here and then again at the end of term after Poppy received her place here. However, our nightmare continues.

 

Husband is in the Forces so we have to move, we don’t have a choice. If we could stay here she would be starting school on Sept 2 but we can’t and sadly she won’t. The move itself is stressful enough this time round with the children not wanting to leave the house, their friends, school, ballet school and neighbours. Add in no school place and it feels totally wrong – it’s just awful.

Poppy has picked up on my anxiety and is making herself poorly worrying about everything surrounding the move too. Usually quite confident, she doesn’t want to leave here. She is scared about starting a new school and making friends again and it’s manifesting itself in physical symptoms like tummy ache.

Rosie does not understand she might not have a school place. As far as she’s concerned her teachers told her she was going to school in September so she is. Her friends are all going so she has no doubt she is too. All she talks about lately is buying new school shoes, having her lunch at school everyday and learning everything like big Sister Poppy – she can’t wait for September.

 

Husband is stressed out too. He wants the move to be smooth and for us all to just live together again, seeing each other every day but It’s like a big black cloud has been hanging over us for the whole of the summer.

I’m trying my best to be the best Mummy I can be to my 3 beautiful girls and give them a summer of adventures and days out but underneath I’m preoccupied and am much less patient and tollerant than usual. It’s not good at all.

The new borough tell us she’s 1st on the waiting list and we can’t appeal as we haven’t been offered anything. They tell us not to worry too much as someone usually doesn’t turn up on the first day, that we should just focus on the move and not give up hope. It’s not reassuring enough though. I’m a planner, I need to know and so does Rosie.

Lots of people tell me it doesn’t matter, she’s still so young. In fact many choose to keep their children back a year. However, when the decision is taken from you it’s a totally different story.

Personally we never would have chosen to hold Rosie back. She’s been at a fantastic preschool within an infant school, is relaxed and confident in the school environment. She is not a tiny, insecure little thing who would cry and need cuddles all day, instead she’s tall, independent and more importantly she’s currently keen and motivated to learn. There’s no reason for her not to go (except for no place being available).

So what happens next?

She can’t repeat preschool that’s not an option.

There is another school (the only underachieving one in the Borough) which to me is not an option.

Home schooling? Not realistic with a toddler at home.

She can’t just go from going to Preschool every day to nothing – a step back to staying at home and going to toddler groups. That would be even more detrimental to her mental wellbeing than this current situation is.

I just don’t know what the answer is and it’s making me feel sick.

Fingers crossed we hear some news soon and our cloud is lifted. Until then I’ve just got to carry on sorting and packing. Will keep you posted.

Karen x